Yesterday

I so wanted to do a spectacular Bastille Day post yesterday, I apologize for letting everyone down. But sheesh! What a day! I took the day off for a doctor appt. and it went like this:
1) 9:30am – yay! the car started, put in new battery the night before after it had died. drove to hospital in the burbs for a consultation at a sleep disorders center. doctor is an hour late for our appointment, I nap in waiting room because I can. dr. 99% positive I have sleep apnea and we schedule overnight sleep test for next week, and he explains the use of big crazy plastic octopus mask I’ll need to wear to bed for the rest of my life. HOWEVER, I will do anything, ANYTHING I tell you, to get my life back. I can barely sit upright as I type this. and this may be the root of many of my other problems including panic disorder (which is doing very well, thank you!).
2) 11:00am – drove home to pee.
3) 11:05am – drove to bank to get money to drive up to the top of Solano to buy tacos and burritos from Berkeley’s only decent mission style burrito joint and then drive back to Richmond to have lunch with Mr. Kallisti in his big scary chemical dirty warehouse. the rest of the boys are eating McDonald’s and glare jealously at us scarfing amazing hand-fried cripsy tacos with lots of guac. mmmm.
4) 12:30pm – get back on freeway and drive aaaall the way to emeryville on a secret mission.
5) 1:00pm – back on the freeway again and drive aaaall the way back to El Cerrito to go pick up my new lenses from the Optomotrist. I put them on and start yellin’. my new prescription is funhouse crazy. everyone looks like midgets and there are no right angles, the plate glass slopes off at crazy angles. the nice lady calms me down and says the doctor has time in an hour to see me to make sure the prescription is right.
6) 1:30pm – ow! outside is even worse. my feet look like they are too close to my face. weird. I want to cry. to kill time I decide to run my errands. drive all the way back to the other side of el cerrito, go to the beauty store and pick up lovely gifty set of body pampering goodies for Mr. Kallisti’s co-worker’s wife who just had a baby the other night. then walk over to albertson’s and all the shopping carts look like they only come up to my knees. I keep mistaking people for midgets and it is freaky. the store aisles look so catywompus I stand there for five minutes staring. I buy pearl onions, lysol, bandages, hagendaas vanilla ice cream and caramel butterscotch topping. they were out of my bandages. damn, I’ll have to go to another store.
7) 2:15pm – I have to go by the house again cuz I was dumb and bought icecream and it will melt. throw that in the freezer and run back out the door.
8) 2:30pm – drive baaack to the other side of el cerrito and nice optomotrist reassures me the prescription is right, that it is just the new astigmatism correction and that my brain should re-adjust in a week or two. sigh. so crazy.
9) 3:00pm – drve aaaall the way back down san pablo ave to home. throw my clothes off, put on pajamas, fix a biiiig bowl of icecream and pour hot caramel all over it. sit down to watch two episodes of tivo’d eastenders which goes a great long way to calming me down. have I mentioned that I am pms’ing like crazy? I feel overwhelmed and have a vague sense of doom.
10) 4:00pm – Mr. Kallisti comes home and pats me on the head. says he’ll fix me dinner later. I was gonna make “coq au vin” for Bastille Day but we have several chickens, so he’ll crispy bake me a bird for tonight. gravy! he then tells me to take a nap.
11) 5:30pm – I’m awoken by Mr. Kallisti jumping on me and showing me his new completely baby bottom smooth shaved head. he usually just buzzes. it is strange and sensual and I’m just a little bit frightened by how smooth it is. fade to black for the dirty parts.